a question to the general public: does anyone read this site anymore?
sometimes, i feel like i'm writing to an empty crowd. seriously, maybe it's because i'm no longer in anaheim and you guys are slowly forgetting me. or maybe i'm just not worth your time. that saddens me, seriously.
i made this site to keep in touch with you guys in anaheim. instead, i'm doing nothing but typing my feelings into an html box. that loses all the meaning that i put into this site. and i know how it goes. when they're gone, they're no longer as important to you as they were before. it happens to everyone. i have been in both situations: the one left behind and the one leaving. it is far easier for the person who leaves, but it's far easier for the people left behind to forget. that's because they are only considering one person. for the voyager, you have to consider all his/her friends. and it's far easier to forget one person than to forget a herd of people. sure, it might depend on the person, but commonly speaking, that statement holds true.
i wish i could have more time to keep in contact with a lot of you down there. i wish i could call everyone everyday and tell them that i miss them, tell them that i thought about them today... but the truth is, i can't. there's obviously schoolwork, classes, marching band rehearsals, and money. if i had money growing in my desk, hell, i'd call all of you and tell you guys how much i miss you all. but i'm not a magician or anything. and if i had more time to myself, i'd use it to keep in touch with you guys, but i don't. and i miss talking to you all, hearing the familiar voices, telling the infamous inside jokes...
and when i do have time, i update this journal, because i pledged to myself that i'd keep in touch with my socal friends through this blog. but no one comments, no one cares, no one gives a shit. i read your blog, everyday. if i have any time, i make sure to click on the links on my site, and look at each and every single one of the sites listed. i leave comments here and there, so you guys can see i have read your posts and such. that i still care for you guys. that i really do miss you guys more than i show it.
... but nothing in return. am i writing these posts for no reason? there's no feedback, no life. how ironic, because i started this to keep in touch. and maybe you're reading this now and feeling pity for me or something... "oh, i should leave a comment now, 'cause i feel bad for her." i don't want you leaving a comment because you feel sorry for me. if that's why you're going to leave any feedback, i'd rather not get any at all. or maybe you're secretly laughing inside, because you think it's funny. then, you're just cruel. i'm serious. you shouldn't be reading this then, if you think i'm not worth your time. either way, i just want to know that i'm not doing this for no one. and there are exceptions; i know people who leave comments, and i thank them through their site (thanks to vu, in particular). i can't keep in touch if it's just me writing here and you not writing back (and when i say 'you', i mean ALL of you i know). i'd much rather enjoy talking to you on the phone, better yet, in person. but since those are more difficult to accomplish, i write my feelings here.
no matter what, i'm going to visit each and every one of your sites, regardless if you read mine or not. because i'm going to try and do my part of keeping in touch. but it never works if both aren't trying.
-- oh, and for people whom i haven't been able to contact through any website, i will definitely write you an e-mail the next time i have time. because the bottom line still stands: i miss you all.
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